Most of my days pass with the rhythm of life and I don’t remember I am the wife of a former widower. (Maybe that’s why I am such an inconsistent blogger.) However, in the rhythm of day after day, week after week, blissful moment to blissful moment, like a bird gracefully flying and then . ..
Thud. The bird flies straight into the window and falls to the ground stunned.
Every now and then I figuratively fly into the window and take moments to recover before I can fly back to my routine.
Today I had a momentary stunning experience. In my head, I know my husband loves me and thinks of me. When I think I see evidence otherwise its disheartening.
Today I saw that he had posted a link about advanced research that very possibly could be a cure to the cause of late wife’s death. True to form, my mind started its marathon:
Did he stumble upon this or does he search out this type of information?
How did he feel when he read it? Sad that it wasn’t around it time to save her?
Does he miss her today?
If he misses her, where does that leave me?
I typically read too much into any situation possible, and Superman is not good at expressing emotions, although he is getting better. So asking him any of the above outrightly would likely end in disaster. Maybe I’ll comment about it in casual conversation and see what happens.
In the meantime, my mind is resting. I’m choosing not to run that marathon today.
becoming the wife of a widower....from struggle to joy 