doubt creeps in

Needless to say, my relationship with Superman has entered into a bit of a rough patch.  I called him today and I was telling him about some work related issues that I was dealing with, and he was rather non-responsive, almost bored.

Which is something I’ve noticed lately.  Yes, we’ve been dealing alot with the “widower” issues, and I think it’s affecting the “regular” parts of our relationship.  I want my partner to be someone who can be my best friend.  It seems lately that we can’t carry conversations very long, and he seems uninterested in my everyday life.  It could be due to the high stress we’ve both been under . . .

The thing that concerns me the most is that a thought actually came to my head today of comparing him to my ex-boyfriend of 5 years.  My ex and I (despite all the issues we had) were best friends.  We could talk for hours and he was typically interested in most of what I had to say.  And I actually had a thought while I was talking to Superman that I wished I was talking to my ex instead, thinking he’d be more supportive!

I’ve been away from my ex for about a year now, and I was the one who broke it off because he wasn’t making the commitment I needed from a relationship at that stage.  I mean for real, after that many years, fish or cut bait, marry me or leave me.  So it’s definitely not that I want to go back to him.

My need for companionship isn’t being met in the way I need it to be met right now.  Doubts have been coming to my mind strong now – is this what our relationship is going to be?  I stuck with him through so much hard stuff and there have been so many reasons to stay holding on, but are they the right reasons?  Is the love I have for him enough to sustain me through this period of trials?

It never used to be this way.  When we first started dating, just over 6 months ago, we would talk for hours.  I guess if this change that I’ve been noticing is sustained, I may have reason to question the relationship.  I’ve been bringing up this issue in small ways, saying it seems as if we don’t have long conversations anymore, etc.

How does one entertain the valid questions of doubt without giving into it unnecessarily?  That’s the fine line I need to walk.  I don’t live by my doubts, but I need to address the root of why doubt is creeping in.  I still have hope, and I’ll hold to the hope as I navigate and investigate the doubt.