My first Mother’s Day

Yes, it’s been a while since I’ve posted.  Life has been a whirlwind as I adjust to married life, being a mommy, and all that has come along with it.  Mother’s Day can be especially difficult for many who are with a widower or former widower, so I thought I’d squeeze in the time to share my story.

A few days ago, the mother of my husband’s late wife made a point of wishing me a happy mother’s day.  She told me that I was a good mother to Superboy and she thanked me for all that I was doing for her grandson.  A while back, our relationship had been really strained, so it’s wonderful progress that she is going out of her way to wish me a happy mother’s day.  She recently finished painting a portrait of Superboy as a baby with his mother.  She showed it to me (and posted a picture on Facebook).  When Superboy saw it he said, “that’s momma!” and kept playing.  He’ll be three is July and he always identifies pictures of her as momma, and he calls me mommy.  Some day I think it will click in his mind and we are going to have to answer a lot of questions.

A few weeks ago, Superboy was informing me that I was not his mother.  In my mind I began to panick and think, oh my goodness, this can’t be happening so soon!  He can’t be denying me as his mother as such a young age!  He’s got to be at least 7 or 8 before this issue arises!  He went on to inform me that I was his mommy, not his mother .  So I almost had an enormous overreaction becasue of the weird way preschoolers understand the English langugage!

Months ago, Superman had told me that he and Superboy would go to the cemetery on Mother’s Day to honor her as his birth mother and that she was his mother for the first year of his life.  He ended up not going.  After we went out to eat the whole family laid down for a nap and he didn’t go.  I had been dreading Mother’s Day for that very reason, not wanting to be left alone at the house and feeling like I was getting jipped on Mother’s Day having to share the day with another woman.  I know that they may go in the future, but at least for this year it was not an issue I needed to deal with.

Superman told me that I was a special mother, as I have taken on the responsibility of nurturing a child I didn’t birth and I have loved him and cared for him as my own.  He seemed particularly thankful for me.  I was concerned that the day might bring up old grief issues, but it didn’t.

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s Day, and were able to work through the many issues that come up with a holiday such as this.

mother’s day is the new valentine’s day

(This is my post from 5/11/08 – I had typed a lot and LOST all of it, and was away from my computer for much of the week)

As a single woman, I often disliked Valentine’s day.  I had been dreading Mother’s Day for a while, thinking about future holidays, envisioning being alone at home while my future family treks to the cemetery.  It’s been difficult for me to process “sharing” holidays and almost everything with another woman, so I was not looking forward to the day.  To cope, it came across my mind that Mother’s Day would be my new Valentine’s Day, which actually hit me as hilarious.  So thus the title of my post.

Well, I had typed a lengthy post regarding this day and it’s intricacies, most of which was really good but unfortunately I cannot remember.  Maybe it’s better I don’t rehash the day’s pain in great detail, but I will post some comments to help all you other WOWs/GOWs out there (sorry – I hate the acronym, but it sure comes in handy!)

My insecurity and his grief made for an extremely difficult day.  It was his first mother’s day without her.  In a nutshell: I shared how I was feeling and let him know I was scared I would never be honored (among other things), he got upset and felt I was disrespecting his late wife’s memory.  For about 4 or 5 hours, we were broken up and he thought our relationship wouldn’t work because I was having difficulties with him being a widower.  We worked it out, obviously, as I’m still continuing this blog.  So word to the wise: holidays are difficult and it’s best to have thick skin.  As a wife/girlfriend/fiance of a widower, I believe I’m beginning to discover sometimes we need to deal with our issues with the assistance of other people or on our own when our husbands/boyfriends/fiances are experiencing a period of more intense grief.  I know some wives of widowers would disagree, and I am probably dating a widower much earlier after the late wife passed than most.

So Mother’s Day sucked.  I’m hoping its better next year.  I may actually officially be Superboy’s mother then.  It’s a role I’m so looking forward to, it’s difficult as he is currently 4+ hours away staying with his grandparents.  I feel like I’ve already missed out on the first 21 months of his life that I don’t want to miss a moment more.  So even though I didn’t bear him, I felt that pain on this Mother’s Day.  I hope someday soon we will be a family.