Your words of encouragement are priceless. I never know if or how I am touching the readers here, and for you to say that I am making a difference encourages me to keep this going.

You appear to be a woman of faith too. May God bring you healing.

I am married to a widower and what you said goes for us, too.

I know that we all (most)remember times of safe, easy, familiar life situations that we can regress to for comfort once in a while. I feel that maybe Superman must be doing this as it was the last that he knew. While it is unfair to even think that Superman wants that same familiar remembrance of what and how LW did things, it IS unfair and childish on his part. It is comforting to him o live by what he knew for years. Yet, none of us can have that and we should not expect that when wanting to move on with our new spouse. Dynamics do change when one remarries and we all do things differently. Thank goodness that we are mentally healthy enough to live for now, not comparing or wanting to change the other while sucking our thumbs for something that was just because it was familiar.

Once I married W, it was not the same as dating. Many others are involved that we must take into consideration while still trying to maintain our personal one on one relationship. At different times, others in family take priority as needed. That is the way it is in all original families. There are times that neither of us are first, second or third. That is normal for any caring family.

My life changed once W and I married and no longer dating. I had been single by choice for 6 years. I had to get use to shopping for large family gatherings, entertaining their friends, buying presents and having b’day celebrations for new 25 people, family. Bigger house to maintain that we bought together, 10 acres, moving to a new town and truly no one here understood what I took on. W and I did not have the leisure of just being together and traveling like we once did as we took on responsibilities of family matters together. Once married, things do change when trying to unite togetherness among many.

So, yes.. there are many times I rank behind his job, children, golfing, and he ranks behind my housework, job, children at times. I think that is the way it is in any type of family.

Flirting???That can change too in any marriage with responsibilities that over whelm us all on a day to day basis. Then, those moments return when we make time or family situation pulling at us calm down. We all just get tired and worn out with so many responsibilities of day to day living.

I don’t think Superman can begin to comprehend all the energy you are using to maintain a home as well as other areas. I’m almost positive that he and late wife had dealt with much, but they were young and grew together and that is all he knows. You are not to be anyone else. It’s not you and I don’t know how you can make him understand. Continued communication must go on. In time, maybe he will give up sucking his thumb for comfort and grow up and be the man, husband he should be without reverting back to expecting you to be like his lw in any way.

You are unique and worthy. Changes are not easy for anyone and you should not be doing all the changes and lose who YOU are. He chose you. He married YOU.

I meant to say “my wonderful dad”, not wondering……….

Well my post did go through…I didn’t want to write that again…LOL

W’s son had him by himself for 8 yrs. It wouldn’t matter who his dad married, it would be the same. Children in this position know what they are doing and don’t care. It is usually me, me, me, my feelings only and it doesn’t matter if they are 30 years old when dad remarries. There are very few children that love their living parent so much that they accept what the living parent decides even if the arrangement makes them feel uncomfortable. There are some that will move forward as respect for the living parent, but not many in the beginning.

There are too many parents that have raised their children to think that the world revolves only around them and their wants and desires come first no matter what. Familiarity and keeping things at status quo is safe and comforting. Well, everyone loves familiar memories, those safe, easy times and it is not always easy to move forward in new family situations. New family situations affects EVERYONE and everyone wants to be safe and surrounded by familiar conditions. As you know, that takes time but it we never replace or have the same safe familiarity but most can find a comfortable position of sharing, respect and love. It will never be as we knew it while growing up because that was just natural. It takes so much effort to try and open hearts for future times of togetherness. Memories are revisited, cherished and are always there to give us all comfort.

As you know, you want share so much with W and child, but it hurts so much when u try so hard, give and do so much and still feel like an intruder at times. It hurts so much when one feels rejected yet wanting so much healing for all. You have missed children’s formative years of sharing situations in their life. No one can go back and get that. The only choice is to accept and hope that through the years all will come together on a different level, another kind of familiarity that as the children grow, experience and mature that then they will be glad W has someone in his life that he loves. Hopefully children will come to terms that W did not forget or not retain tremendous love for LW but could love another as well and wanted so much to feel alive again as we all need to feel love, share with another adult that we have much in common,respect, adoration and there was enough to share with all in family.

I know children, (not all)no matter what age feel they are having to share W and resent that. When anyone remarries the dynamics must change as someone else has been invited into the family with different experiences, traditions and their own memories. Children and sometimes devoted friends of lw usually don’t get it. New wife just tries to fit , conform the best she can and usually puts new family situation way ahead of her own immediate needs while tying to maintain a resemblance of life that W, family, their social friends had prior to her appearance while so wanting to accepted and share in so many of their experiences and memories. Everyone needs to be a part of an accepting group that was there before new wife’s arrival.

My wondering dad died when I was 12. Mom remarried 4 years later, but in no way did I feel that she deserted or didn’t love my dad with all of her heart. Also, I knew the world did not revolve just around me and my wants. Mom did something right without me realizing it during my growth. I was mentally healthy enough to just know about sharing love and loving all kinds of people and that there was enough to go around. I’m glad to have had the mom I had who prepared me to always move forward with love in my heart.

Oh, I’m married to a widower now. I do know what you are feeling and going through. Please, keep communicating with W. Men don’t always understand but it is up to you to share and discuss wehn the time is right. Many things don’t need to be discussed over and over again, but you should value yourself enough to verbalize your concerns.

Again, your 16 year old is moving and dealing the best he knows how with what he has learned through his years. Don’t walk out. He needs you more than he or you realize at the moment. He will view you differently someday as he grows and develops his own life, family. I know it is difficult for you now. Rejection cuts into our spirit and we feel pain. It seems you have already sacrificed much. No one will really understand all that you have done and do. Well, only until they experience your position first hand will the light bulb moment go off.

Continue your journey of love and wanting so much for all. Don’t leave yourself behind and don’t sacrifice you or your marriage. As people live longer there will be more and more marriages in later life, or like yours that will experience some of the same. I know of others that now understand when once they did not.

You are not alone.