I made it through late wife’s death anniversary without realizing the day was here. I realized it only today when I saw her sister’s Facebook status memorializing her.
So 3 years have passed. I’m glad that nothing in Superman’s attitude reminded me yesterday was an important day, but I was not with him for much of it due to my work schedule. I don’t know how much it affected him and that bothers me. I wish I knew. We exchanged a few test messages today. I told him I just realized what yesterday was and asked him if he was ok. He said that time flies, and that he made it through, so that means he’s ok.
In my head I thought, what kind of an answer is that?!?! He made it through so he’s ok? He was even more happy than usual to see me when I got home yesterday. Without making this blog rated only for adults, let’s just say he wanted a lot of attention. So he gave me no sign of struggle, but was he anxious to be intimate with me due to thinking of her? I wish that question never even came to my mind.
I know he loves me, he is attracted to me, and he has never tried to make me her. So why do these questions still come to my head?
I hate that many of the significant dates happen in October. I love fall so much, and at times, these emotional issues just take too much. They found out she was sick with luekemia again in October. Their wedding anniversary was in October. She died in October. So why on earth did we decide to get married in October? Our anniversary is coming up on the 24th, after all of these other significant dates are done.
On the positive side, this anniversary was easier than ones in the past. It can only continue to get better, right?
wow. all these posts and responses are so self centered! How would you feel if it was his sister or brother who died? Different? Yeah I thought so. Dont you realize there is room enough in his heart to love you and you needn’t try to *replace* his late wife? Ridiculous to think that you want to be *the one*. You might try talking with him about her, asking questions about her, that is what he needs the most. He needs to be able to have happy memories of her and have his mate open and curious about his life, which until the day she died, was part of it. He will never *get over it* so stop expecting it and have some compassion. Trust me. I know what I am talking about.
Lucy, I’m not sure what side of the experience you are on. I disagree with you, and the reason you see similar themes in what is written in the comments is that this is how it feels to love someone who has lost a spouse. I don’t think it’s wrong to expect a spouse to actively love us and not hold back in a relationship. As the current wife, I expect that more time and energy be given to me rather than to a memory. It doesn’t mean I am trying to replace someone: I hold the rightful title of “wife”. People who have not experienced the painful rejection (by the widower or the widowers family) might label us as “self-centered”, but it is not the case.
I would encourage you not to make snap judgments and I encourage all to keep this a place that is supportive and nonjudgmental (we can still disagree, but lets be nice about it), providing honest feedback in a caring way.
OK, so its a four year anniversary of late wifes death. I have been seeing Mr.Big for 2 years. I can so relate to the “significant dates” and my heart goes out to u. U see, late wifes death happened on Mr. Bigs birthday! Celebrating his birthday never happens on his birthday for obvious reasons. Also late wifes birthday is 4 days after mine, so celebrating my birthday depends on when the day falls. I just got thru the anniversary of death, his birthday and mothers day. Mr. Big and late wife had 2 children together, 5 and 8. Those questions come to ur head, and mine, because we want to know. Is it selfish for me to want to be “the one” now??? My house is up for sale and I am moving in with mr big when it sells. Did u move in his house or did u buy another? I must say that mr big invited me over on his birthday much to my surprise. I brought presents and cake and me and the kids, whom I adore, sang happy birthday and had a wonderful nite. I have no children so this is the family I’ve always dreamed of since I had no children with my ex husband, thank goodness, lol. I feel like I think a mom would feel. Do u have children, author? I must stop now, I could go on and on but my chest is tightening as I type. Thanks for being here…
I’m sorry for overlooking that I hadn’t answered your questions. I did move in with Superman. We later moved and it was a great weight off me as it never felt like mine. He actually reported feeling better about us having a home that was “ours” after we moved. I didn’t have children before I married him, and I consider Superboy my own son. He calls me mommy. We lost a child in April and are hoping to conceive again soon. Hope things are going well with your relationship.
Let me start by saying how relieved I am to find a site that I can relate to and not feel like Im losing my mind or that I am a crazy person. I have a story to share but in all honesty I want to see how this comment shows up so I know I am doing this right and that I remain anonymous
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I’m a widow who married a widower. Been married for almost four years. It has been very painful especially in regards to not feeling accepted by mom in law and sister in laws and it is very painful to think that they have put his first wife on a enormous pedestal (which is fine, but they do not know that he stayed in the marriage for the kids and protected his kids from hearing the truth about her) and seem to delight in hurting me. My stepkids who area adult aged now, well, some of them were really cruel. I can not tell you all the stories but it’s bad stuff, including them yelling at me and making me burst into tears when I was pregnant and telling me to get an abortion! They wanted no part of me. I tried to keep their traditions and gave all I could financially and emotionally but I was treated so badly. I would love to continue to read your blog as I can definitely see a lot of what I feel in your writing, especially concerning the memorials on FaceBook. It really is a strange place to be. Please feel free to contact me because I am searching for a support group for this.
I can really relate to your post. It has now been 3 years since B passed away and her birthday is on Halloween. My husband rarely mentions her but I always wonder what he is thinking on important dates.