Before my husband’s late wife passed away, I had a good relationship with her sister.  Her sister was 15 years younger than her (she was adopted) and I taught her Sunday School.  She always came to hug me when she saw me at church and would laugh and joke with me.

When it came out that I was dating her former brother-in-law, that all changed.  She ignored me for quite some time.  As my relationships with many people dramatically shifted at that time, I chose to let this one go and reminded myself that it wasn’t about me.  As hard as that is sometimes, it’s good to remember that people react because of their own emotional roller coaster and we do not need to get on that ride.

After Superman and I married, it was hard for her to figure out what all had happened.  She didn’t understand if Superman was still her brother, if I was now her sister, etc.  (She has some learning challenges).  One day at church she came up to me and asked a lot of hard questions that I could tell had been plaguing her.  She asked who was taking care of Superboy and I explained to her that I live with Superman and Superboy now and so I was taking care of him.  She asked a few more questions and said more or less that it had been hard for her since her sister passed away and seeing me be part of their family.  I listened to her with grace, as I could tell she was genuinely trying to work through everything that had happened and was not trying to dump on me.

That was probably about 7 months ago.  Since then we had talked at church more and she was back to coming to give me hugs.  A month or so ago, she shared with me that she was going to live with another sister out of state to go to a special high school.  Her mother came to me and asked if we could spend some time together before she left as a time to make things right before she left.

So we met at Perkins after work and I had dinner with the late wife’s sister and mother.  We had a pretty good time, talking about her move, about the silly things Superboy has been doing, and how her mother embarrasses her as a teenager.  When her mother stepped away to take a phone call, she said that Superman doesn’t talk to her as much anymore and that she misses how he and his late wife would spend time with her and make jokes.  To some degree I have noticed that at times she tries to put me in that role, although I never fulfill that role in any way that doesn’t feel true to who I really am.  I listened and the subject passed.  She is gradually forming her new reality and beginning to understand how things will be now.

I was touched by her gesture of peacemaking, and glad that she could have more closure before she moved.