In some of my research on being a wife of a widower, one topic that I don’t believe has gotten a lot of press is the financial impact of the tragedy they endured, especially if the late wife passed from a sickness.  While the economy seems to be on everyone’s mind lately, I think many women may fail to realize the extent that a widower’s life may be affected above and beyond our current recession.

Superman’s late wife was sick with cancer on an off for 6 years, and at times with no medical coverage.  We still get letters and bills from pharmacies and lawyers of unpaid debt.  He went back to work too soon after her death, only taking 2 weeks off.  When he returned to work he could not focus and made many mistakes.  About 7-8 months after she passed, Superman lost his job.  One day they discovered a mistake that was a final straw and they sent him home within the hour.  He spent some time unemployed (while we were dating) and gained new employment only to lose it 2 months after our marriage, which also happened to be right before Christmas.

Currently he has a promise of a financial advisor job.  However, after seeing his credit that was devastated by all these medical bills, they have had to request a special allowance from a faraway corporate office.  This office hasn’t gotten back to us for 3 months.  He has written a letter explaining his circumstance with his late wife and that it wasn’t due to his own negligence, but now it seems uncertain if they will accept his explanation or not.

Needless to say, this puts a lot of stress on a 6 month marriage.  He receiveds some disability payments as he was discharged from the Air Force 10 years ago due to a back injury, but I am the only income earner and we still own the condo I lived in before I married him.  The house we live in has been in and out of foreclosure over the last 6 months.  The week I had my miscarriage, our electricity got shut off 3 days after our ER visit.  We only got it back on by giving the electric company our mortgage payment.

The financial state of our family has sent my husband into a depression.  We aren’t dealing with grief or him pining after his late wife.  Her presence is felt in a very different way.  He has lost hope, and we talk very little these days.  He was supportive for several days after the miscarriage, but having our power shut off pushed him over the edge.  He’s withdrawn and he seems to have given up on trying to make things better.  It’s to the point that we do not even seem to be like friends anymore, we just happen to live together.  When I return from work, sometimes Superboy is still in his pajamas and Superman hasn’t showered.  It’s hard to leave for work knowing that my husband’s mental state is so low.

I’ve been praying for a miracle.  That is what it is going to take to heal my husband, and to get our family on course again.  And I believe that with God, all things are possible.