So this past weekend, we had our first social gathering that we attended with the 3 of us.  It was a birthday party for a young boy in our church, and many of the people in attendance had known Superman’s late wife.  So while some people have seen us at church together, I think it’s a different story when you are out socially.  I thought there may be potential for people to have difficulty seeing me with Superman and Superboy.

After we spent some time at the zoo, (which was so much fun!) we headed over to the party.  As we were walking up to the house, someone else was arriving and we waved and greeted them.  She turned and said, “Oh, I didn’t recognize you!”  My thought immediately was that she wasn’t expecting to see the three of us together and didn’t recognize us because of that.  When I talked with Superman about it later, he thought it may be because we were in really casual clothes and people are used to seeing us a certain way and in a certain type of dress at church.

One of my friends greeted me and said, “Hi momma!”  Which made me smile.  It feels so good to me that some people have accepted our relationship and can support me in that and let me know through comments here and there.

Especially at the beginning of the party I felt a little awkward – how much do I engage with Superboy?  I was feeling a little bit of leftover anxiety from Superman’s and my disagreement on the subject, and while I know I can’t live my life for other people, I didn’t want to be too over the top with my actions and be insensitive since it was people’s first time seeing me with Superboy.  Many of my friends knew his late wife too, so I care about my friends and where they are in processing the change.

Superboy was feeling a little anxious because there were so many people he didn’t remember there, so I held him and comforted him.  We looked at all the balloons and soon he was ready to sit down by the other kids.  Superman took charge of making sure he was fed so I just hung back a little and socialized with the other parents.

While I was in the kitchen, the mother of the child whose birthday we were celebrating introduced me to her friend who had come from out of town for the party.  I was getting some food for Superboy and the mother pointed him out to her friend, saying, “Remember that baby I used to watch?  That’s him!”  While Superman’s late wife was sick, several families in the church stepped up and helped with childcare since she had been a stay at home mom and was not able to care for him while Superman was at work.

They continued to chat and I excused myself from the conversation.  She did nothing hurtful, but it made me really self-conscious, and I hate that I began to wonder what that other woman thought of me.  Why did I begin to wonder if she thought worse of me because I was with a widower so soon after his wife’s death?  I need to keep reminding myself – what other people think of me in none of my business!

All in all, it was a great first outing.  It may have been hard for some people, but they didn’t let me know it.  I know I felt really self-conscious, and was probably a little paranoid that people were watching me. But considering some of the stories I’ve heard from other wives of widowers, I’m pretty pleased!