The story continues . . . .

So the last thing I said in my previous post was that he had been thinking that if she had lived, his life would be on track and he wouldn’t be dealing with his financial troubles, his son being away, etc.  He said that he misses her and what a wife represents.  He misses having someone who knows him so well that she could say or think it before he was even aware of it himself.  At some point in that monologue I decided I couldn’t take it anymore.  I left the room and sat in the hallway and cried.  He eventually came to sit by me and I told him I wasn’t sure he was ready for me.  I wasn’t convinced he was ready for a relationship.

I wanted to leave, but didn’t think I was safe enough to drive the 30 minutes to my house.  I had left Superman’s house in an emotional state before and knew that it was too risky on the road and I value my life too much to put myself at risk for an accident.   I called 2 friends to see if they were available to come get me, and neither was.  So I decided to stay and calm myself before leaving.

As I was preparing myself to leave, he asked me to come in and talk with him again.  He gave an analogy to help me understand him (which I won’t get into – I got it, but involves cars and such and I’m not sure it’s clear enough for you all!).  He said that he knew eventually our relationship could be just as intimate and great or even greater, but he was missing that closeness and support he felt from his late wife.  He said that it wasn’t that I wasn’t being a good girlfriend, there’s just certain things that only a wife can do and can be.

He also confessed that with his son living 4+ hours away, that it feels at times as if he’s lost him too.  He’s been going through some rough times with that, and his job is giving him troubles as well.

Our conversation continued and I began to feel more empowered and less emotional.  He made a comment that sometimes he doesn’t know “which me” is showing up.  It’s true, I am an emotional person and we have had some extremely rough times.  But I thought he was being extreme (which is his personality – black and white). 

So I started calling him on all that he is inconsistent on.  I also said that it wasn’t right how he had treated me the previous week, how crappy it had been, and how I deserved better.  I also told him what my needs were that he wasn’t fulfilling by not being interested in conversation as of late.  I confessed to him that it had actually made me remember how my ex had treated me better in some areas.  I also pointed out how I had still been loving to him while he was treating me poorly.

At this point his face was pretty broken.  He got up off the couch and started walking upstairs.  I asked where he was going and he replied that he was going to bed because he felt like crap.  I walked with him and he told me how awful he felt now that he realized how terrible he had acted towards me.

We hugged and made up.  While I know some of these issues are not totally resolved, I think we made progress and since that conversation (it’s been 4 or 5 days ago now) things have been so much better.

Other things I’ll be writing about soon so I can process them: our first social outing with people who knew his late wife, progress report on how things are going with his parents, and my first real interactions with his late wife’s family.