In the last 3 days I’ve lived about 2 weeks worth of posts!  Much has happened with Superman and I, and I’ll be telling you about it over the next couple days.

I went to his house this past Friday after work, even though I wasn’t sure I wanted to.  He had seem uninterested in me, and when we talked on the phone it seemed as if he could care less if I showed up or not.  I was hoping we could still make it a good night, so I went and brought some of his favorite food to cook for him.

When I arrived he was working on the lawn, and so he barely did anything to acknowledge my arrival.  Shortly it began to rain, so we went in the house and I began making dinner.  While preparing dinner, he asked if we could talk about something after we ate, so I agreed and did my best to stay present during dinner and not let my mind be plagued with anxiety about what he was going to say.

He thoroughly enjoyed dinner, and I’m still learning to cook, so I felt encouraged by that!  We sat down on the couch in the living room around 7:30, and this conversation went until about midnight.  He began by stating that things had not been good between us for a few weeks and that he felt I’d been being self-centered.  I responded by telling him my thoughts about Superboy (see previous posts) and tried to get him to understand how I felt.  He seemed to get it a little bit.  He said that it had contributed to him feeling annoyed with me, and that lately he’d only been feeling attracted to me physically and not in any other way.

He told me that he was withdrawing Superboy from me because he was feeling uncertain about the relationship and our future.  He admitted that he hasn’t wanted to talk to me on the phone and has been uninterested in my stories about things going on in my life.

While it’s hard to remember all the intricacies of a 5 hour conversation, I believe it was at this point he began to talk like he was in a low-grade depression, and I could recognize it.  That helped me to detach myself somewhat and realize that he was not being himself totally.  However the next topic he launched into almost made me want to throw up.

He started saying that if she had lived, this would be about the point where life would be getting back to normal.  She would have recovered from her bone marrow transplant and life would be good.  He would not have to go through facing all of his financial troubles alone, his son would be living with him, he would have the support of a wife, and he would not have to deal with all the family issues.

That was like a knife to the heart.  So I’m not a support?  What about all I do?  I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer, and I almost left the house.  I stayed knowing we needed to get through these issues and work it out.  And then see if there would be anything left in our relationship when our conversation was over.

to be continued . . .