Today I found myself wondering if my relationship with Superman is ever going to have lasting happiness.  At times it just seems so difficult I begin to lose hope.  In my research and reading what other partners of widowers have had to say, I know I am in one of the most difficult periods right now.  I’m so looking forward to coming out on the other side.  I spent some time on the Second Wives Cafe website today, sometimes I feel better about the relationship when I can see that other wives of former widowers have challenges and I’m not crazy or alone. 

Even if he wasn’t a widower, our personalities would likely lead to a somewhat volitale relationship.  Opposites may attract, but it can make for some interesting and challenging times. 

We tried talking on the phone today and he got so upset he ended the conversation.  It was several hours ago and he still doesn’t want to talk even via instant messaging.  We just aren’t seeing eye to eye.  I was trying to explain to him how I felt about Superboy (see “am I to be mommy or aren’t I”) and it set him off again.  I’ve emailed our pastor and asked him for help through this (thanks for the comment ajourneywelltaken).  I’m not sure what to do or how to feel about the upcoming weekend.  Superboy will arrive Saturday morning, and as far as I know I’m still invited to the zoo.  I’m not sure I’ll even know how I should act around Superboy now, I feel like I need to detach to protect myself, but I don’t know if I can.  I’m praying and hoping for a miracle before then.