This weekend was the weekend Superboy comes to town with his grandparents.  Every other week either Superman goes to see him or they come here.  It hurts him deeply that Superboy has to stay with them, but financially it isn’t possible for him to live here yet given the cost of daycare and how medical bills and other expenses wrecked havoc on his financial health.  He’s job searching constantly, and the plan is for Superboy to come back to stay hopefully during the summer.

So I got to spend time with my future son!  He’s getting so tall, nearly 21 months old now.  I can tell he’s getting more independent.  It’s hard for me to see how much he changes between visits and knowing I’m missing out on getting to know my son.  It’s also hard to see how his grandparents raise him (or don’t raise him) as I would do some things differently.  We got some quality time in with the 3 of us at the Children’s Museum yesterday.

Today was rough.  I wasn’t there in the morning, but I guess Superboy was having a rough morning as his molars are coming in.  When I arrived for lunch, he had settled down.  The whole time during lunch most of the attention Superman directed my way was negative.  I tried to not let it get to me and directed my attention to feeding Superboy and enjoying my last few hours with him.

After Superman’s parents left with Superboy to head back home, he asked me what was bothering me.  He had asked me earlier, but I avoided it as I didn’t want to get into that conversation with his parents home.  I was bothered that as much as he says he doesn’t like how his parents act, I see so much of them in him.  I told him I didn’t appreciate the negative jokes directed my way or that when his mother asked him if he’d checked the diaper he’s saying it was supposed to be my responsibility.  I told him that I didn’t like how he acts when his parents are around and I wonder if he’ll treat me like he treats his mother.  While I will admit, she can take some things a bit far, he does his own fair share to bug her and basically doesn’t listen to anything she says, even when it’s good.  I’ve heard that men will treat their wives like they treat their mothers.  After today, it doesn’t look so good for me.

So after sharing that, he elaborated on how difficult the morning had been and how he’s always fighting with his mother about how Superboy should be raised.  She caters to his every whim, which makes mornings difficult.  He then told me that his parents had been out to the cemetery, but had been unable to find the grave because it’s unmarked.  They had purchased a wreath to go on her grave and didn’t want to put it on the wrong one.  So while Superman’s dad (who was very annoyed with Superboy today) watched Superboy, Superman and his mother went to the cemetery.

I guess she had some issues with the late wife’s family in how they aren’t helping with the debt from the funeral expenses or medical bills or to even help get a headstone.  He said he told his mom what he wants to put on the headstone, and that it was difficult to share that.  I was really surprised there still was not a headstone……..and then felt guilty hours later when I thought of how him paying for that would be taking away from our building our lives together financially.

*big sigh*  So I’m upset with how he’s treated me, he’s greiving and I hate to see him in pain, his late wife’s family is stupid, I’m upset to see how Superboy is being raised, and I hate how distant Superman feels. 

He said he was just worn out.  He didn’t respond to anything I said about how he acts like his parents.  I don’t think he even apologized.  It’s so hard for me to see him like he was today when I left his house.  It was a mixture of pain, sorrow, and emptiness.  He told me he loves me as I left, which I know is true, I just don’t feel like it on days I know he misses her.